Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
