I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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