hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
