Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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