You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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