Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
