my being single is dangerous.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
