she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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