there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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