Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize