If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
