So drunk its hurt
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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