Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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