you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
there's paper in my vomit.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
