oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
