How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
