the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have post one night stand depression
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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