I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
