I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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