they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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