i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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