My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
