I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
