Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
