Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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