Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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