I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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