my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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