Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
