You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Im part way to drunk.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
