Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
