Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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