so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
