If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
