You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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