This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize