I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
