you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
