R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
