I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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