I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
