the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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