my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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