My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is Oprah even human
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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