but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize