2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
