We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
