If that was your dad, he is hot
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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