it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
