Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
