I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
