I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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