Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
