I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
