The maid of honor just puked.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
