So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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