There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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