I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
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He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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