Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
