drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
