Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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