im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
