You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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