idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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