it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
