Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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