Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You pole danced in your parka.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
