This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend