This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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