Can i not drive my cunt home
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
