I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
