i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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