I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
