i just google imaged poop.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm really busy with my period
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