Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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