I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
