**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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