zippers are such a cool invention
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
