It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
