my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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