I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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