My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
