I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
