Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
organizing the empties. That sober.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
