I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
