I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
