Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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