Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
