Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
