Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
