cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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