i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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