he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
