does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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