ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
